Here are ten things to avoid doing when dining out

This list was spurred on by a recent mini-debate between a customer and owner of a restaurant.

The customer, who had Karen vibes and the hair to match, insisted to the owner that last year she had a reservation at his restaurant – which has never in its history taken reservations.

Despite informing the lady of this fact, she continued to insist as she really wanted a reservation at 6 p.m. that evening.

Trying to give her an out, the owner explained that they do make waiting lists once the restaurant is full and call those on the list once a table opens up.

The lady literally responded with, “maybe, but I’m sure I was able to make a reservation.”

And on to the Top 10 (plus one) things to avoid doing when dining out.

Yeah, see above and don’t tell the people who own restaurants or pubs or even clubs what their policies are regarding literally anything.

Don’t bring kids if they don’t know how to act. We have all been in a restaurant where the parents are so ignorant that they let the kids run around like animals – which is a safety concern as well with staff carrying hot plates and drinks. Or let them scream and yell and ruin everyone else’s experience. Perhaps as you’re teaching your kids how to interact in restaurants, do it on slower days or try practicing at home first. On the flip side, it’s amazing to see and serve polite and respectful young people.

Don’t ask to speak to the owner or manager. Especially since they may already be speaking with you. If they’re not, they’re likely taking care of something more important that your need to share your opinion of their martini compared to the one they had in Manhattan three years ago. If you are upset that the staff have said ‘no’ about something, whether it’s a menu item or another drink you don’t need, then the manager or owner will surely back up their team.

Don’t offer to pay double to get a table or into an already full establishment. This happens way more than you think, a big shooter who thinks they are more important that everyone offers to bribe staff or pay “double the bill.” The problem is they would need to kick someone else out, and that’s not good business.

Don’t talk about how much you go there. Look, if you are a good customer, the staff will remember you and likely even remember what you like to eat and drink. If you’ve been somewhere twice in a decade, they won’t. Act accordingly.

Don’t try to change the menu. They’ve curated specific dishes with an eye to providing a quality dining experience for everyone. It’s one thing to ask to hold the croutons on a Caesar salad, it’s another to start making so many substitutions that you’ve made up your own dish. If you are like that, maybe just stay home and cook for yourself.

Don’t ask for over complicated drinks or to “surprise you.” The only exception is if it’s very slow in the establishment and you know the server or bartender well enough to ask. Otherwise, you are a douche who wants to look cool.

Don’t order Top Shelf liquors for sugary cocktails. Unless you find yourself in a dive bar, the top shelf is often best for ordering drinks to sip (with or without rocks), or to have with a splash of water. Yes, order top shelf liquor for a dirty or dry martini, but definitely don’t for blue Hawaiian Long Island iced tea. Yes, for a whiskey and club soda, no for anything that comes with an umbrella.

Don’t butcher foreign languages. Not every service industry person cares as deeply as myself and my friends about this one. But, if you can’t pronounce something properly (gnocchi comes to mind), just ask or even point to it. If you murder the word bad enough, chances are you’ll look bad and be made fun of for all time. This isn’t grade school, there is no ‘A’ for effort.

Don’t walk-in to a restaurant with large group. Max walk-in group six should be four to six people. Okay, maybe eight or ten is the max depending on the size of the restuarant or pub. But, once you’re numbers are over ten, make sure to call ahead. Walk-ins of 20, 30, or more are obnoxious and full of self-importance. And worse, if the restaurant can’t take you, everyone has travelled there for no reason.

Don’t be cheap. If you are planning to visit a nice pub or restaurant, plan on spending a decent amount of money on food and beverages. And always assume the service will be great, so factor in a good tip (10% is not a good tip).

A final note, if you or your friends want to learn the most about the do’s and don’t of the dining industry, check out Why Everone Should Spend a Year in F&B.

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